Mike Rutledge.CA

     To be fair, the title is a stretch. Seeing a movie one time in the span of your life won’t ruin the entirety of your life. Nonetheless, the destruction you are asking for by submitting your mind to a movie like this is worth noting, whether you follow Jesus or not.

     In our western world that praises individualism, we are often very unaware that there are influences everywhere, and we, no matter how strong and independent we claim to be, are influenced by them. No cultural product (songs, movies, shows, books, magazines, plays, sports, poetry, you name it) is neutral. Nothing was created in a vacuum. Everything is saying, communicating, might I say even preaching, some message. And it is in our uncritical digestion of those messages where the destruction lies.

     So with that in mind, we come to a movie like 50 Shades of Grey.  There are others like it that could be right in the thick of this discussion, but this one is currently most relevant. To be completely transparent, I never will see the movie. I refused to read the book in its entirety but know enough about it through reviews (both good and bad) to tentatively comment.  Although I am positive there are other concerns out there, today I will only highlight two, the distortion of sex and the distortion of women.

     I find that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the role and purpose of sex. At the most basest of levels the culture message (and the one portrayed in the movie) is that sex is a commodity, it is simply for gaining pleasure. Sex is for ‘me’. I want to express myself. Find out what I like. Do things that make me feel right. And if I am lucky enough the other person involved, if one even is, will get a similar sense of pleasure.  I may be oversimplifying it a bit, but unfortunately in the minds of many I am not. Sex in the eyes of the populace is all about ‘me’. Unfortunately, that understanding leaves a wake of destruction as it rips apart hearts and souls.

     Sex, I believe, is meant for much more. And honestly, has little to do with me at all. The most glorious sexual expression is one motivated by selflessness, not selfishness.  Sexual intimacy is meant to bring about a deeper nakedness, not of bodies, but of souls. Two becoming one. Sex is meant to be a physical, chemical, emotional, spiritual, soul level, connecting mechanism, that binds two persons, that confines them one to another, that speaks loudly that “I am for you.” Yes, sex is pleasurable; we can’t and shouldn’t deny that. God knew what He was doing when He invented it. (and all the cough**married**cough people said Amen!) Sex also produces life, which in and of itself speaks to the ‘other focused’ nature of sex. Life is multiplied through it. But in the deepest sense, sexual intimacy is meant to be a sacred act of covenant renewal, as sacred as the moment you said your vows. Sex is, and always should be, a selfless voice saying, “I am yours for now and forever.”  You consummate the marriage with it, and it is one way you continue to express those vows. Sex is like glue, designed to bind naked souls. Sex is not meant to abuse, degrade, dominate, and force submission, even if she ‘wants’ that (to be aroused by abuse is a whole other mess). Sex is meant to unite, connect, uplift, and enliven.

     Movies like this one speak a much different message, one that trains our thought to think about sex in a self-serving, soul crushing manner. In fact, I would argue that this view of sex is actually the most distorted it can become, because of this one thing, objectification. People aren’t people anymore, they are sex toys. Women become nothing more than objects of pleasure. I know that this isn’t a new thought, but it is so deeply true. Women are taught, men are trained, boys are exposed, girls are emotionally and intellectually abused, into believing that the female is a bunch of body parts to be conquered and enjoyed. Sexual ethics like the ones presented in this movie give boys (no matter the age) a false sense of a woman’s sexual value and identity and ironically enough women are praising it. Sexual ethics like this distort the feminine beauty, pervert submission, and celebrate abuse, no matter how romantic they make it out to be.

     Impressionable boys will begin to believe that this is ok, and desire sexual conquest in the same way. Prideful and arrogant boys begin to believe that they should dominate, creating an unequal and unnecessary power struggle in a relationship. Naïve women will marry idiots like this and end up more alone and delusional than they ever thought a relationship could make them. Young girls will think that this is normal behavior and devalue themselves to simply be sexual playmates. I think the picture is painted, and yes with a keen awareness of a slippery slop fallacy that looms.

     Nonetheless, art, we shall call it, of this nature screams a destructive message, sugar coated with beautiful people and fake romance, and we eat it up. There is poison in the water, yet we drink. So desperate for genuine intimacy, love and affection, that we will eat of anything, even if fake, even if rotting. We royal children of the Most High have become beggars; forsaking the glorious feast of truest life for cheap scraps that we don’t have to wait for.

     Don’t be fooled. Women, I pray you hear the voice that speaks a better word to you. You are not the spoils of conquests. You are not ‘parts’ to be enjoyed. Your value doesn’t lie in what you can do, but is given to you from the who gave you existence. You are more than you imagine, princesses, made in the image of God. Though for a time you may have worn beggars clothes, you can always come home, get cleaned up, and find the love you have been craving.

     Men, I pray that you rise above, that you think hard and critically about the source of your information, that you would see through the lies of false masculinity to the way you were made to be. A protector, a leader, a warrior, a lover, one who honors women and puts their good above your own. That you would find a wife and give your life to make her life better. Not objectify, reduce, and abuse the glorious creation that we call our better halves.

     Sex is more than about you. You are more than the sex you have. Sex isn’t about your identity, or your worth. Sex isn’t about filling empty hearts or healing broken souls, or pacifying the hurt, only Jesus can do that. Don’t let crummy preaching teach you otherwise. God has the best life ahead, and wants the best for you in your marriages.  Don’t forfeit what is ahead because you cant see beyond your current place.