Mike Rutledge.CA

It was only 15 months ago that I first became a Lead Pastor. I was 22, just over a month away from being 23. I was fresh out of university, primed and ready to take over the world for Jesus. My heart had the best intentions, though quite honestly lacked almost everything else necessary for ministry. I had a fire in my bones, I had some theological training, I had some ministry experience and a lot of theories – of course I was ready to lead a church! I know full well that 15 months ago I wouldn’t take to heart the advice I am about to offer due to the pride that was mixed in with the passion.  I know how you feel young pastor, pastor-in-training or 4th year student ready to get out of the classroom; I was you and in many ways still am you. I know you think you know enough. I know you have a heart for God and for people. I know you want to change to world, I know. But as I think back over my first year of being a shepherd for people, of being a leader through change, of being ‘the guy’ in a church, there really is one conclusion I can draw: I was not ready. By the grace of God I have made it this far, and by His grace you will too, but if you would let me, allow me to help you avoid some mistakes early on. Here are 5 things to think about.

1. Serve someone else’s vision

One pastor said do it for at least 5 years. Why? Being a great pastor is about servanthood. In the ministry world that is a cliche, but it couldn’t be more true. Ultimately, you are serving God’s kingdom, not building your own. So learning how to support a vision beyond yours, being a humble servant, honouring leadership, and gleaning wisdom from those ahead of you will only help you.

Most of us have a ‘plan’ for how church should be. You have been dreaming up a church the way you think Jesus really wants it, you are excited (you should be), but you aren’t ready. You might be thinking that for me to say that might be a little hypocritical, and you’re right. I didn’t do this, I may have done some part time ministry help, but my first full time job as a pastor was being the guy who sets the vision. And you know what I have learned? I have no idea how to do that. Prayer is essential, faith is necessary, but knowing how to plan it, communicate it, and execute it are the practical keys.

Become a humble servant, before you become a mighty leader.

2. Ironically, prayer will be the first thing to go. Protect it. 

Although in a awesome sense you are payed to pray, you won’t. Ministry quickly looses some of its glamour as you realize that there are a lot of behind the scenes tasks that need to be done. Projects, sermons, emails, phone calls, coffees, visits, meetings, complainers, reading, driving, planning, etc. Yes, your heart should always be for the people, but pastoring has a lot of less glamorous things to get done. In all the busyness you can easily begin to believe that you are busy doing the Lord’s Work, and taking those moments to quiet your soul and do nothing but speak with Jesus can start to feel like wasted time, or that you, “don’t have the time to really do that today so I’ll do it tomorrow.” Ironically, you then go and preach on the importance of a prayer filled life.

This has been and still is one of my biggest struggles in ministry – cultivating intimate moments with God. Communing with Him, for His sake and mine. Not because I have some problem, a sermon that’s not quite right or an enemy in the ranks, no, simply just to be with him, to seek His face, to hear his voice leading. You need to protect these moments, make them more necessary than anything. I have come to find (though I still struggle with it) that a properly prayed heart delivers a better sermon than that extra 30 minutes you put into your sermon instead of prayer.

3. Leadership = being able to take a beating repeatedly, by the same people, over the same issues, and even different people over a variety of issues, all the time, when no ones watching, and not being able to go down to their level, but responding in grace and truth.

The long point is on purpose. Leadership is hard enough without all the back lash you get, but it’s coming. Cliches are cliches for a reason, for there is some truth in them and this one is no different: you can’t make everyone happy. I was recently talking to one of my pastor friends, who is in his first year as well, and we both concluded that being called to ministry is basically being called to be beat up a lot. Especially as the key leader, where you need to shift honour to the team, and shift blame to yourself. There is a target on your back for anything that changes, that didn’t work, that doesn’t produce fruit right away, from a slip of the tongue, or because you wore the ‘wrong’ things, etc. (and yes, most of it is subjective complaints by people with nothing better to do). But hey, it’s the truth. You are going to get beat up. You are going to doubt if you were called. You are going to tick people off. Deal with it. That’s the cost of your position.

Learn how to handle the criticism. Learn how to discern the truths. Learn how to hear the hearts of the people. Some people will say dumb things. Others will say hurtful things because they don’t know how to actually say what they mean. Grow a thick skin, but never too thick that you don’t still feel for your people.

On a related note, prepare for betrayal. People are inconsistent. They will say one thing, do another. They will have your back in private, and cave in public. (And you will do it to them as well, since most likely you struggle with what most pastors do, people pleasing, so you will say what people want to hear in different situations, that will have to die quickly – I am still working on it).

4. Skill is good, but character is everything.

As young guns in ministry we often want to be known for how good we are at something. Younger people desire to be known for a skill more than anything. In ministry it is often the ability to preach. So we tend to ride on the waves of our skill. You have probably been told that you would make a great pastor, or that you are a great public speaker, or that you have all the talent to do it! And I’m sure you do. But in this area, put on the mind of older man looking back over his life. Skill might get you fame, but character gets you influence. Skill might carry you 10 years, but character will bring you 70. If you are wanting to be known for something, be known for who you are and how you love and how you serve. Get over wanting to be the next Judah Smith, Carl Lentz, Mark Driscoll, John MacArthur, or whoever you look up to for their skills. God didn’t call you to be them, and serve the people they serve. Figure out who God is calling you to be, be the best at being you, pursue the fruits of the Spirit more than a talent and that will make your ministry grow. This doesn’t mean you don’t steward your talents and pursue excellence as you should, but it’s the reminder that at the end of your life, 99% of your sermons, your subjective big moments on stage, will be forgotten, but who you are, that can live beyond you for generations.

Admittedly, this is still a huge struggle for me. I am constantly caught in a mental/spiritual battle about wanting to ride the waves of skill. That is such a horrible place to be as it leaves you susceptible to a roller coaster of emotions. As a result, your insecurities are heightened, you are more susceptible to criticism, more puffed up by praise, and it doesn’t end well. While still honing your skills, move beyond them and strive more for character. Earn the hearts of people by who you are, not by what you can do.

5. Your wife / spouse is more important. 

You may not be married, I am (I got married the week after preaching for the call at Northside). You are called to minister, you are doing great work, you can see growth in people, you are excited by all the progress, the meetings, the one on one coffees, the ministry nights, the prep time, you can see God doing great things, and all the while you are living in complete sin, not honouring the most important work God has called you to, your wife. The church is a glorious harlot for some. You can get much more praise from the church, can feel more fulfillment at times, and so you gravitate to the place that is easy. Your wife sees your crap, knows you’re a hypocrite, hears your confessions, she, rightly so, isn’t awed by the great pastor that the people experience once a week. Nonetheless, especially to men, she (spouse) is more important. The people in the church you are trying to please aren’t covenanted to you through the thick and thin, ups and downs like she is. Those people can leave at any moment – she promised to stay. She will be the one at your bedside, not those people at the 4th REALLY important meeting in 4 days. I know its tough, I feel the tension so often, and I often fail to choose rightly.

Your life is going to get busy. Honour your marriage by making, protecting, and keeping the time with your wife more sacred than the meetings, because it is! This is probably the biggest area of failure for me. We started off great, having date nights every week. Then meetings started and we had to shift things around. The pressure to be at all the events began to weigh on us, and we had to shift again. Then having to fill empty roles for a season took up more time, and before we knew it, we haven’t been on a real date in months. You have been working side by side, but haven’t had any face time with your wife. You both feel exhausted so time together becomes Netflix instead of conversation. Your life surrounds the church so even if conversation happens, it is something about church, before you know it will be 5 years later and 0 dates. That is not honouring your highest commitment. Say no to good things to say yes the greater, your wife. I am trying to learn this.

One thing my wife said to me that still rings in my heart and mind and stings, though is true, and ashamedly I will admit, is that in her eyes I give more of my emotional passion to the church instead of her. The little passion that remains – emotional leftovers we might say – I put on her plate and expect her to eat it up like a Michelin Star meal.  The thoughts are often, “No, that’s not true! She just doesn’t see all that I do for her!”. Maybe you’re right, most likely she is though. You spend so much time – some weeks up to 60 hours – pouring your heart, soul, and mind into the church. And I don’t think thats the same towards her. Maybe it can’t be the exact same hourly, but emotionally, it needs to be matched and exceeded. That’s impossible – you might think. Welcome to ministry. She is your first place of ministry, realize that early.

I am excited for all you who are going to be pastors. It is a great calling, an awesome adventure, but make sure you prepare. Learn from the mistakes of others, and seriously, serve someone else. Make someone else look good while you are in the background learning. Never forget to pray. Know that you will be beat up. Ride your character to the end. Honour your spouse. Love Jesus, serve his people, and by the grace of God, work to make it to end without disqualifying yourself in sin.