Mike Rutledge.CA

Although some might want to disagree, I have found that one of the best ways to really develop, to really grow, to really learn is through solid mentorship. I find it to be true in both the personal areas of your life, like spiritual disciplines, marriage, parenting, or in the professional world, with skills, promotion, craftsmanship, etc.  But, what I have found in the past little while to be true also, is that although there seems to be a growing desire for mentorship, not many people know what makes a good mentor. They don’t totally understand what to look for. Sure, a person might excel at a skill and so they may make a good ‘teacher’, but there is more to finding a good mentor than just skill alone. Here are 4 things to consider when trying to find a great mentor for any area of life.

1. Skill

I am going to start off at this obvious place, though its not everything is a necessary thing. If you are going to work hard to find and invest in a mentor to help you develop in whatever area you need to, it would be absolutely pointless to do so with someone who has no skill in the area. At that point you are simply asking someone for their opinion, educated or not.  There really isn’t much to add here, don’t ask someone who has no real idea about the area you desire to learn in to teach you. Pretty straight forward.

2. Success

Here is where you need to do a little more thinking. Someone might ‘know’ a lot about a certain thing, but has never actually done much with said knowledge. They don’t have the practical success that is worth emulating. For example, say you want a marriage mentor. Going to a person with a lot of knowledge about marriage, can gain you some really true and valuable advice, but going to a person who actually has the kind of marriage you want will give the kind of wisdom you really need. The same is true professionally. You need to look for the person who is actually succeeding in the ways you want to succeed. You need to find the person who has clearly figured something out, has enough insight to learn from their own success and is someone you honestly would look up to. Which then makes this idea of success very subjective. And it also mean that you can use different people for different skills based on their success in those areas. As a pastor, I have a few different people that I learn from, that I consider mentors for me, and each has a certain skill that I want to grow in. One guy I listen to for his love of the people, learning from him how to care, one guy I listen to for his leadership, his years of experience and size of his team allow me to grow a lot, from another guy I learn about how to deal with some of the stresses of my line of work, etc. I hope you get the picture. All to say this, when looking for a mentor find a person who has demonstrated that they know what they are doing, who is successful in your eyes, a person you would hope to end up like, and pursue them, invest in them and allow them to teach you.

3. Character

One of the keys to good mentorship is that it should always go beyond simply skills, even in the work place. The desire is not only to become better at whatever task, skill, job, etc, you have to do, but to become a better person doing it. Which means then, not only does knowledge and success matter, but how they conduct themselves, how they achieved it, and the values they hold, need to be worth emulating as well. A good mentor is someone you look to and say, I really want to be like them.  Hopefully, you will spend a good amount of time with a mentor, and so naturally you will be influenced by the way they act, think, talk, react, decide, and the list goes on, so you need to consider the whole person. Don’t be caught up by the flashing lights of big time success, if behind the scenes is a crumbling life. You don’t want that. One of the most challenging commands of the Bible to Christians is to have a life worthy of respect, a life worth emulating.  What kind of life do you want? One that is worthy for some else to copy, I hope. Therefore you are going to want to learn from someone who has that. It would be better to be a person who holds their integrity the entirety of their career, learns much, works hard, and honours all areas of life, then a guy who shoots to success over night, not knowing how to handle it. Learn from the former type of people. Look behind the skills and success, see the person, and ask yourself, would I want to be like them?

4. Chemistry

This is one that many people I have interacted with surprisingly miss or at least devalue. A true mentoring relationship, is just that, a relationship. And if you are wanting a good mentor, you need more than a teacher, you need a wiser, further-than-you, friend. Don’t get me wrong, it won’t start as friendship in any deep sense, but a good mentoring relationship should move to that, which means having good chemistry is important. If you are going to give this person hours of your life, why not make them enjoyable hours? You need to look for someone you can connect with.  It definitely seems a little idealistic for sure, and it also assume the right heart in the one mentoring, but it will make the relationship so much more beneficial to you. I know for me, that has happened between myself and a guy I was mentoring. It started off sort of like a big brother/little brother, here to help you type of thing ( I wasn’t that much older than him as well) but now that it has been a just over year, I don’t call it mentoring, I call it friendship. I still at times might take a place of mentor and share my opinion in this or that area of his life, but he teaches me just as much. That is the goal really.  Finding a person, who you can ultimately learn from, have a good time with (i.e. Friendship), and make you a better person.

With all that said, mentorship isn’t easy. It takes a lot of sacrifice, time, energy, effort, especially as the one wanting to be mentored. Not every person will end up working out, not every person will take the time to invest in you. But don’t give up your search. Seek out wisdom where it can be found. It will be one the best practical decisions you can make. Sometime in the busyness of life I forget to connect with a mentor, and when I end up going back to them, I just marvel at how awesome it is to have someone care, and give wisdom, and really help along the way.  Find a person who knows, who has proven it, who has great character, and who you work will with. Like I said at the start, and maybe most importantly, you should find these relationship beyond simply work. Find a person who can lead you to a be a great spouse or a great parent, find a person who can really help you on your spiritual walk with Jesus, who has been through it a few times and can care for you from the experience. As a young man, in a leadership position, there is one thing I never wanted to admit, but now I know I can, and need to. There is simply something to be said for experience. I thought as a young leader I could just drop these ‘wisdom bombs’ on all types of people just out of thin air theories and intellectual learnings, but now that I have been leading for a year, I can humbly admit, there are things I will never really ‘know’ until I have walked through them. It might be hypocritical of me to say that, and continue to pursue mentoring and leading people, both younger and older, in fact it really is, that’s part of the nature of my work, and why I need God’s guidance more than I often realize.  By the way, you are called to mentor someone too. I know that this started off with what you can look for, but it also is a goal for you to become. To become a person who has valuable knowledge in life, a proven track record, a character that is worth repeating, a person willing to be a friend and invest.  Don’t miss the great blessing that being mentored and mentoring can be for your life!