Mike Rutledge.CA

12 months ago society got flipped around and we fell headlong into this continuing pandemic. It’s a joke at this point to say that we didn’t expect it to be this long, but here we are. For some of us, it has been the hardest 12 months we can remember, for others it has been a time of more positive changes. For most it has been a bit of both. For me, I know having some rhythm and pace changes was good, while at the same time, this year was probably the hardest year personally. Emotionally, vocationally, maritally, financially, spiritually, all of it.

Although I have come out of the last 12 months overall in a better place, the journey was hard. With all that said, here are 3 things I learned, or at least learned more, that I hope might help you.

You can go fast alone, but you wont go far.

I’m sure most of us probably ‘know’ this, but I had to relearn it. When stress hits, when trials come, I tend towards isolation. I fall into a kind of lone ranger mode, and try to figure it all out by myself. I live in my head, internalize, and withdraw (unintentionally). So when I said this was probably the hardest year I have been through, most people in my life, even the closest people to me, would have had little to no idea. And that’s not great.

We are made to do life together. I have had to go on a painful journey and mistakenly chose to go it alone. The reasons are complex, pride, pity, fear, and habit. However, if you want to thrive in the trials, you can’t walk through them alone. If you want to flourish as a human, alone won’t get you there.

For some of us, we may tend towards self dependence because we have internalized a lie that we are just a burden. That to be vulnerable is putting onto another a weight that isn’t theirs to carry and so you can just figure it out. However, Love always bears another’s burden.

For some of us, we may tend towards self dependence because we have internalized a lie that says to show weakness is to be less than. As if, perfect strength this side of heaven is an attainable thing. Yet, the lie speaks loud, telling you that to show weakness means that you are fundamentally unable, incompetent to be what you think you are, and if they see your weakness people won’t trust you, or rely on you, or, or, or…. but to be human is to be weak. Love covers that. Love enters that.

For some of us, we may tend towards self dependence because we fear rejection. What if I open up and they brush me off, don’t take it seriously, or don’t stick around. At that point we tell ourselves, it’s just easier to do it by ourselves and that we’d rather avoid the pain. There is a risk to being dependent on others, it is worth it.

No matter the reason we fall into this, self dependence will never bring the healing we want. Even if you do weather the current storm all by yourself, what will it cost you long term? Solidifying, even more so, a pattern of isolation that will lead to a life of it. We need people to lift us up, encourage us, and remind us of the truth. Don’t go it alone.

Control and Fear are bad friends

Fear is a funny thing. It hits us all different. However a common thing about fear that I have noticed is that we fear most what we feel we control the least.

We live in a constant state of delusion, honestly. We think we control way more about life than we really do. I know that thought itself is potentially anxiety inducing. Nonetheless, it is true. It doesn’t need to take a global pandemic to alert us to that, one text could change our lives in ways we can’t imagine, but a pandemic sure did let us in on it. From toilet paper wars in the stores, to price gouging, to conspiracy theories, all of it trying to take control back in a moment where it felt like every single one of us lost it. And we did. The facade lifted and the painful reality that we, that I, don’t control things hit hard.

When the pandemic hit, so did my anxiety. Something that I never really had dealt with in the past as much but in those first few weeks I was functioning out an unhealthy place. I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do with the church I help lead. I didn’t know how long this was gonna be. I didn’t know how to communicate to the community, I felt like I didn’t know how to do the job I was given.

Feeling powerless to do anything, I tried to do everything. I went into a panicked hyper activity to bring a sense of stability while my internal world was off kilter. It wasn’t pretty to say the least, but it was in that I learned that the way I was trying to manage fear was through an unhealthy desire for control. It exposed what in the church we call an idol, a god if you will. If I had control I was safe. This lie led me to act out of character, frustrated a lot of people, and when gods suddenly die (in this case, control is gone), desperation sets in and it took the form of anxiety manifesting in my body, mind, and soul. It was in that fire I learned again the need for the unhurried pace of God’s Kingdom. Jesus says that Father knows what I need before I even ask. I have preached that, my soul didn’t live it.

What did I do? I learned – slowly- that I don’t need to be in control to maintain peace. I had to allow myself to fall into the sovereign hands of a father who has never failed. I had to define what was under my control and be faithful in those things. I couldn’t control outcomes, but I could control my obedience to Him. I could control my response, my habits, my vulnerability, my gratitude, my rest. I could control getting a counsellor, leaning into my wife’s discernment, and trusting the team I had around me.

Behind the control was fear. ‘Letting go’ of control didn’t require throwing my hands up in defeat, and being the victim of a moment but willingly letting go an illusion I kept to feel safe and bowing the knee to one who actually has power.

Our rhythms make us and sustain us

Lastly is this simple lesson that can have far reaching consequences. Your rhythms, habits, patterns, formations, practices – call it whatever you will – make you and if they are healthy they sustain you. I know that the people who weathered the last 12 months the best emotionally and spiritually were those with healthy habits already formed. Practices that create both stability and reorientation back to the place of spiritual vitality are key the ongoing health of a soul. Silence, Solitude, prayer, study, community, rest, exercise, date night, and others, are meant to be put into our lives in good seasons, so that they can maintain us in the hard ones. All I would say here is that if you haven’t formed the healthy habits that will form you, don’t wait. Living unintentionally is forming you too.