Mike Rutledge.CA

Incase you missed it, it’s Thanksgiving this weekend (at least in Canada it is). That’s right, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, family, football, a lot of good stuff! This is a holiday where we are encouraged to reflect on all the good things that we have and to really try and be grateful and thankful. I use the word try on purpose. We really aren’t thankful people… if we are being honest. I know I am definitely not as thankful as I need to be. And when I think about it honestly, there really are 3 main reasons why. These reason are all interrelated, but they are distinct enough to comment on individually. So here are 3 reasons why I (and you) will be ungrateful this thanksgiving.

1. Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the main reasons why we are ungrateful people. We look out at the world and see people with better stuff, bigger houses, more money, nicer cars, tastier food, a more functional family, better jobs, and though we might muster up a few “I’m thankful for”’s around the dinner table this weekend, really, we aren’t satisfied with what we have.

Thankfulness is satisfaction with what you have and seeing the blessing of it. Our culture doesn’t like that idea because then we would stop buying newer and better things, and actually have money to spend on the important things in life. Companies can’t have that happening right? So they pay big money to make you unhappy with your life. And guess what, for you and me, it works! It works way to well. Our hearts are ill with this disease. And it robs our joy. If we are honest, most of what we are jealous of are things, stuff, material objects, and things that are not really all that important or necessary to most of our lives. The reality is that there will always be a richer person, a bigger house, a more successful company, a better car, etc. etc. etc. So why not be brave enough to take a real step back, quit the comparisons and take a thankfulness inventory? Take a moment to see how things really are, make your life the measuring stick and not someone else’s life. I will bet you have some pretty good reasons to be thankful.

2. Fantasy

This idea is somewhat tied to jealousy. However, it’s not about actual things that someone else has, but a jealousy of some fantasy world you create in your head when you play, the ‘what if ‘games, or the ‘if only’ games. We do it all the time. And it is so destructive to our internal health, and really destructive in our relationships. Our imaginations are incredible! We should be thankful just for the fact that out imaginations can really do so much for us. But they are also very volatile. Often the worst case scenarios and the best case scenarios (though improbable) are the go to’s in our imaginations. I can admit that this is what I do! We can literally create whole fantasy worlds based on the thought, ‘if this had happened, then I would be…’, or ‘if only my spouse was more like this than I would be…’ Then I would be happier, then life would be better, then my job would be more enjoyable, then, then, then, and then we begin hating our reality because it doesn’t match up with a fantasy our brains have created, that in no possible world could ever even come true. And we shouldn’t let the promise of a fantasy steal the joy of our reality. You need to invest all the emotional and mental energy into what you actually do have. Learn to really appreciate what actually exists. Honor what is real. Work on the spouse you have,  not create a fantasy one in your brain that they have to live up to. Work really hard at your job to create an environment you love to work in. You need to protect your gratefulness and joy from the poison of fantasy.

3. Insecurity

At the base of it all, our hearts are always looking for ways to validate our worth. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to define ourselves by the things we have. The thought often goes, “if I have that, then I will be ‘someone/I’ll be worth something/I will be happy” and by thinking such thoughts, we are defining worth by a certain presentation of a material self. We begin creating categories and definitions of worth like, really successful people have that type of car, that type of phone, that type of house, that type of spouse, etc. etc. etc… Therefore, if we buy into the lie that we are what we have, and, it’s true that we are always looking for ways to better validate our worth and value… putting two and two together, you get wildly insecure people needing wilding unnecessary things to unnecessarily impress other people to bolster their personal sense of worth, based of the internal thought, that ‘they’ (whomever they are) are impressed by them. Therefore, we are in constant need of something more, something that will continually keep the validation coming to us, and so we are by virtue of that ungrateful with our lives because the moment culture shifts, technology shifts, definition shifts, cool shifts, pretty shifts, we are loosing worth in our own minds, and so we are constantly looking for ways to secure our worth, to comfort ourselves, and at the end of the day, when we look to our lives we are left unhappy. And therefore insecurity about our self worth leads to ungratefulness.

I really want us to be thankful this weekend (and everyday after that as well). Which means we need to peel open our hearts and really be honest and see the way we are hindering our gratefulness. You cannot defeat jealousy if you keep on ignoring the fact that you are jealous. You cannot stop fantasizing if you aren’t going to be honest enough to confront those unrealistic thoughts, and maybe most importantly, you will never actually find security, value, and worth, by relying on the perceived thoughts of other people to give you what you are looking for. Gratefulness or thankfulness comes from a true place of rest. A rest knowing who you are and whose you are. A rest that goes beyond stuff and things. A rest that is willing to admit that reality may not be all its cracked up to be, but I’ll be doing what I can do to make it the best it can be. A rest that is found, quite honestly in no other place than in the hands of the one who formed your heart. And maybe that’s the key. Thankfulness = restfulness. Thankfulness = satisfaction in the soul before everything else.

All of us have a lot to be thankful for. Family, friends, things, food, life, breath, colours, music, art, sciences, sports, wives, husbands, children, health, doctors, snacks, mountains, stars, homes, beds, stoves, cars, bikes, buses, computers, phones, clearly the list goes on and on. It’s made up of important things, and the not so important, but a person truly at rest in their soul is able to really be satisfied with it all. I hope that you can find that rest this thanksgiving.