Mike Rutledge.CA

There are a plethora of sappy daddy/daughter posts out there. But I don’t care, here’s another one.

I am about to have a daughter. Literally any day now she could come and bless our home with her presence. So, obviously, I have had to do quite a lot of thinking about raising a child in general and a girl specifically.  Although the lessons are going to be innumerable, from learning to talk to making her free throws (yes, despite what Emily says, my daughter is playing basketball), here are 5 things I really do hope she learns from me:

1. My voice will be the loudest 

There are more voices than just mine that will matter in her life, obviously her mothers, and most importantly God’s. In fact, I will teach my baby girl that what God has said about her is more important that any other voice she will ever hear, including mine – because inevitably I will say something dumb. The thing is, as my daughter grows up there will be many other voices trying to influence who she is and what she thinks about herself: the media, friends, other family, boys, teachers, etc. In the midst of all those voices, I desperately want my voice to be the loudest. I desperately want her to know that what her father says about her will be the most true. Regardless of negative garbage that the media, the dumb boy, the other girls, a teacher, or a coach might say, what her daddy says is what is real.  I want my daughter to have my voice playing over all the others in her head every day reminding her that she’s beautiful, that she’s loved, that she has a great calling, and hopefully the million other things I will say over and over to her. I want my daughter to learn that my voice will be the loudest.

2. My arms will never be closed to her no matter what…

The arms of a true father never close. That’s the kind of God I serve and that’s the kind of dad I want to be.  How could I not be? If I am going to raise her to know about a God who never shuts me out – no matter how ‘bad’ I might be – how could I then do that to her? You can’t. The gospel won’t let me and my love for her won’t let me. She will know that no matter what, she can always come home. No matter what, she can always call. No matter what, I will always come get her. No matter what, there will always be arms to be hugged by, held by, and protected by. Sure, she will disappoint me, frustrate me, hurt me, and anger me. But above it all, she is my daughter, I am her dad and she needs to be secure in that. I hope she will be.

3. Life won’t be fair. In fact, at times it will be horrible, but…

‘But’ changes a lot. If you know me, you know I’m a pretty blunt person. When we need to have a discussion, we are going to get right down to it. Sugar coating, I don’t do well.  I don’t want my daughter to grow up naive with the belief that everything is always going to be ok. Things won’t go the way we want them to, prayers won’t get answered, hearts will be broken, and life will be disappointing, but… We don’t live life to have a problem free life and we don’t live to run as far away from pain as possible. We walk life humbly yet boldly, in the shadow of a God who promises to be with us through the valley of death and to work all things for our good whether we understand them or not.  I want her to understand and trust that Jesus doesn’t make life problem free, but problem proof.  I want her to know God as a good Father, one who works for and wants our joy.

4. She is more important than my job… 

As a Pastor, this is a big one. My job is not simply a job that I do, it’s literally an all consuming lifestyle that begs for my attention and emotion. It doesn’t turn off because I leave the office. It is a constant vacuum. There is always another person, another meeting, another idea, and another initiative. But here’s the thing – I love it. And at times, I allow myself to get consumed by it because I love it and like every job, I want to be good at it. So not only do I love doing it, it also feeds my ego and insecurities, thus my weak heart often feeds off the praise that I get from being a pastor. And well, being a father isn’t like that. You don’t get the same kind of praise and applause. The tragic thing is that often the cheap constant praise we receive now is what we want instead of the rich praise we might receive in 20 years from my daughter as she looks back and realizes how much I (and her wonderful mother) gave to her. But my heart wants the cheap. My ego wants the praise now, not in 20 years. So that’s the struggle. But what do I want her to know? That I am going to do everything I can to let her know and see and feel that being her father brings me more joy, is the thing that I love more, and is more important to me than the praise of any person, the success of any sermon, the gravity of any invitation.  I want her to know that I am a father before I am a pastor. That I am her dad before I am their leader. And I am for her before I am for me.

5. The best thing I can do for her, is to love her mother well.

This is one that may cause some reaction. But it’s true. I made a covenant to her mother before my daughter was ever around. I made a promise to her mother long before she was a thought in our mind, and there is nothing, including my beautiful daughter that will get in the way of that love for my wife. Why is this so? Because I have a deep conviction that the best thing I can do as a father, is to love her mother well.  I believe this for 3 reasons. 1. If I love her mother well, then her mother is going to be a flourishing and healthy woman (that’s my job as husband, to be like a gardener for my wife, to benevolently lead her into fullest life) and a flourishing, healthy woman is a going be a flourishing healthy mother.  2. If I am loving my wife well, the natural response is that she will love me well (yes, that’s not why we love, but it is a healthy by product of good love), we will have a healthy marriage, which will mean a fulfilled husband, and fulfilled husband is a good dad.  3. The most important decision my daughter will ever make in her life beside serving Jesus, is who her husband will be and I want to set the standard she has through the roof. I want her to see what a Godly man and husband looks like from the earliest of ages so that she doesn’t have a settling bone in her body. Loving Emily most, is the best thing I can do for her.

These aren’t all the lessons I am going to teach my daughter. There is an obvious one missing that has been woven all the way through and that is Jesus’ affection for her will be infinitely greater than mine. But my hope is that I in how I love her, I set the bar so high, that when she hears how much more God loves her than I do it will literally blow her mind.  You see, that is the job of a daddy. Dad’s get the gloriously unfortunate job of being a real life metaphor for who God is to their children, and dads or dads to be, that is a high, intense, weighty, calling.  When Olivia gets here, I hope and pray I do this job well.