Mike Rutledge.CA

10 Years.

10 year ago today I made a decision that would change my life forever. Outside of the day I truly gave my life to Jesus, this day pretty much ranks top 2.  On this day, I sent a simple text message, “Hey, do you want to grab a coffee?” – or something like that, I don’t remember exactly, it was 10 years ago. Within an hour, we were sitting at Second Cup, I was drinking orange pekoe tea and she had a white hot chocolate. And we talked. She gave me the honour of a few hours to hear her heart, to learn about who she was, and at one point – gave me a look that I have never forgotten. We call it ‘the look’ even now. If you haven’t figured it out, 10 years ago today Emily and I went out for our first real date. And 10 years later we are still dating, in fact we are going out for dinner tonight.

10 years brings a lot of ups and downs, wins and losses, tears and laughter. But a decade has passed since those first moments, and amazingly, we are now more in love than ever before. I have come to realize that there is a wisdom in knowing that a relationship that lasts is one done in decades, not measured by the days. In these past ten years there are a few things that I have learned that I hope will help you.

1. The best days are ahead. | I was always annoyed at anniversaries growing up where people would say that they love their spouses more now then they ever have. It always felt like they were just saying that, until now. Now I know that it is true. The blending of maturity, experience, pains, growth, wins, and losses, all come together to make what we have now so much more beautiful than what we had then. And that should make us excited for what then is to come. In a healthy marriage, the best days are truly ahead, no matter how good it might be now. I more deeply love and appreciate Emily in a way that was impossible before.

2. Invest for the dry seasons. | In saying what I just said, I am not saying there won’t be dry seasons that come. But wisdom is knowing what to do in the meantime. Investing into the marriage when it is good, is a good thing, but it’s not the only reason why you should. You need to invest in your marriage for when those dry seasons come. You need to set up the routines of love when things are good so that they are natural and automatic when the feelings don’t line up. You protect yourself from the dry season when you invest during the good ones.

3. Loving who she is. | This is a lesson that comes with so much joy. We can often get trapped in thinking about who we first met, who they were then, the good ol’ days, and compare out current spouse to a former version of them. But, it has been incredible to see the soul of my wife blossom, and reveal so many more incredible things about the way she was made than I ever realized. I am amazed by the fact that I simply couldn’t imagine a better partner for me. At every stage of our lives together, more of her has been revealed, and there is so more of her to admire. I thank God all the time that he set us up.

4. Win at home. | This was something I knew in theory, now I know in actuality. Outside of Jesus, I have found that the health and strength of my marriage determines more than anything the breadth and width of my joy, confidence, and passion for life. I am better person, father, pastor, friend, etc, when Emily and I are doing well. We often get trapped into thinking that if we can win in the workplace, then we will arrive at whatever joy we are aiming for. I have found that to be false. When I win at home, I win. If I win at work, and lose at home, I lose. Make the marriage amazing and you will find your joy increase. Side note husbands – God says he won’t hear your prayers if you don’t honour his daughter (1 Peter 3:7), it effects your relationship with Jesus too.

5. Grace wins. | What makes a decade happen? Grace. Emily has shown me more grace than I deserve. She is a walking gospel sermon. This is basically just to brag on my girl. She is more than I deserve. But, if it wasn’t for her ferocious commitment to forgive quickly, believe the best in me, and be like Jesus in her love, we would be worse off. But the truth is, grace is what sustains us. Giving love despite the others merit, forgiving the underserved, a commitment to betterment of the other, and accepting with deep affection yet desiring growth. Grace wins. Grace sustains. But I have found that this kind of grace is first received before it can ever be given – but not recited from your spouse, but Jesus. His grace frees us to give grace.

10 years. 3 cars. 2 kids. 2 moves. 2 cities. 2 churches. Countless laughs. Countless tears. Best days to come.